Borderless Voices

Because not all that glitters is gold

Because not all that glitters is gold even in the Golden State. Because I didn’t speak English, you were still learning Portuguese and some things were lost in translation. Because while I was growing up in Brazil orange juice was a treat and the frozen orange juice from Safeway in Rockridge tasted so fresh and sweet. Because I had watched too much American television dubbed in Portuguese and it felt like being in an endless movie driving up and down the streets of San Francisco. Because there was not a single cloud in the sky and the clean air filled my lungs and the long summer days were so lonely. Because everything was new and there was hope. Because I had to make pizzas and sandwiches, wait on tables, clean houses, and change diapers with my journalism diploma: the price of becoming an immigrant. Because I was learning a new language and trying to reinvent myself. Because going back home was not an option or so I thought. Because going back felt like admitting defeat. Because I was becoming an immigrant even before I knew it. Because I was a young Brazilian and people thought my accent was cute and I even learned how to dance samba. Because I felt there was no future in Brazil and because I was born with a wandering heart. Because I grew up watching French and Italian movies on an old television my parents used to call the “soap box” late into the night until the television would sign off the air overnight and all there was left was static.  Because I always traveled through other landscapes in my mind long before ever boarding an airplane. Because watching existential German movies at the Goethe Institute in São Paulo matched my restless and inquisitive mind. Because learning other languages expanded my mind and filled my heart in unexpected ways. Because I stayed in California, but Europe came to me as an Afro-Deutsche: a black German. Because my children were born here and claim three passports. Because life happened. Because I became an immigrant, Latina, racialized, a person of color. Because I stand in solidarity. Because seeing children in cages and immigrants treated as criminals breaks my heart in tiny little pieces. Because I have been called “fucking immigrant” by someone who ran a red light and almost hit me. Because I was called a “fucking Mexican” in front of my children at a café by an insane person. Because the people who hurled insults at me were people of color themselves it hurt more because I expected them to know better. Because of Skid Row in Los Angeles and the Tenderloin in San Francisco. Because of endless rows of tents and people losing their minds and dying from an overdose. Because of people with serious mental issues who roam around like lost souls. Because gun worship in this country has reached cult proportions. Because people value their freedom to own guns more than they value the lives of children. Because no one is safe. Because the word freedom has lost its meaning.  Because this is not America. America is plural: a vast continent with many countries, languages, and cultures. Because the United States needs to grow up, self-reflect and learn how to be humble. Because I have become of world citizen, and I carry many places in my heart. Because the only way out is forward: one day at a time. May, 2022